Posted tagged ‘strengths’

Highly Motivating Reframes – clients’ examples

November 14, 2012

Going Positive Reframes…

Reframing: This is a powerful motivational tool. Reframing our language helps us to influence the “inner movies” that we and others see in our minds. This can make a huge difference in how others perceive us and what we’re telling them. This is also true with family and friends. This truly can help “Make Friends and Influence People”.  Because of our caveman, our immediate gut reactions are often to focus on risks and only see problems. This can blurt out “caveman comments” that activate F Responses in others. Going Positive reframes create inner movies in people’s minds of the goals and the action needed to reach them. They also inspire the emotion needed to motivate people to action.

Wendy and Kevin, of the Litle & Co’s Leadership University class of 2012, give real-life examples of how they use reframes for great leadership.

 

Here are some other great examples of wonderful reframes from one of Litle’s stars. More will follow in later posts.

Personal Reframes

  1. Student with daughter Susan (age 9)

Susan and I watched the video on Bob’s blog “Influencing your Inner Movie – The Thinker & The Caveman” together.  Susan was eager to “get to the caveman” portion of the video.  As we were viewing the overview of the caveman…

Susan: “Caveman.  That’s like Ellen when she’s fighting with me!” (Ellen is her 7 year old sister)

Lisa (mommy): “Yes, that’s right!”

Susan: “Or like you when you yell at me.”

Lisa (mommy): “Yes…that’s why mommy is taking this class.  So I make better choices and reframe my words to be more positive.”

We talked about caveman behaviors and thinking behaviors, positive and negative comments and even about our Inner Movie.  Caveman and Thinking behaviors seem to resonate the most with Susan.  We agreed going forward when we got upset with each other or saw caveman behavior in each other we would use a shared “code word” as a reminder to reframe and choose our words more carefully.  Susan picked our code word: octopus flare. I agreed it was good choice and would definitely snap me out of my caveman moment!

We’ve reference the caveman and thinker throughout this week since our lesson – and our code word is definitely working.  It’s impossible NOT to smile (and laugh) when you’re saying/hearing octopus flare!

  1. Student with John (husband)

I shared the lesson of The Thinker & The Caveman with my husband John after my conversation with Susan.  John’s first observation was how Susan was quick to recognize/call out caveman behaviors in others, but not herself. J

Over the course of this week we’ve talked each night about different segments of the training.  Slightly different from my lesson with Susan, John and I have focused more on inner movie, reframing and 10:1 positive to negative comments.  And our greatest challenge: TONE.

We both realize an opportunity to reframe our communications with the girls to be more in line with the 10:1 positive to negative comments.  Most obvious has been our combined efforts to shift from telling them what NOT to do and reframing it into HOW to do something differently.

We also talked about the Chameleon Effect.  Specifically making judgments/assumptions about the girl’s abilities or presumed limitations (our inner movies perhaps?) and allowing that to guide our approach with them.  The story of the teacher with gifted/non-gifted children really hit home on the potential negative ramifications.

We’re not perfect – but we are definitely more aware!  As you’ll see in the reframe examples following…

 

Business Reframes

I.         Caveman Urge: I wanted to ask a team member what they were thinking (sarcastically and with annoyance!!!)  offering a client a free trial after we’d already offered the trial as a risk free trial (pay for service upfront with a money back guarantee).

Reframe:  I checked my temper and my inner movie and took the time to ask some qualifying questions about what conversations led up to the discussion and how the offer evolved.

Result:  Instead of letting my caveman loose and my temper run wild, I asked questions and took time to listen and understand how the situation evolved.  In doing so I learned the team member was inadvertently not included in several key discussions leading up to the client call, limiting their insight and resulting in lack of direction.  I took the opportunity to review the sequence of events, apologize for my oversight in the process and offer positive observations on where the team member took initiative and responsibility to move the opportunity forward.

 

II.         Caveman Urge: My seven year old daughter, Ellen, is having some trouble with separation anxiety in the morning before going to school.  I wanted to tell her not to be sad and to focus on happy things versus how much she misses mommy and daddy during the day.

Reframe: I remembered that referencing the feelings of sadness and missing us would bring up the feelings/thoughts that caused her to be upset in the first place.  So instead I said, “I feel like today is going to be a great day!” and steered the conversation toward activities happening that day that I knew she liked (e.g. gym, recess, etc.).

Results: The first day it took a lot of reframing/redirecting and we still had some tears.  Today she was less focused on sadness/missing and more focused on feeling like it would be a good day.

 

III.         Caveman Urge: I wanted to tell my nine year old daughter Susan that there would be no more TV in the morning before school unless she started listening to me (and moving faster) when I told her it was time to get dressed and ready for school. (In a loud, frustrated tone)

Reframe: I stopped to consider how my previous comments along those lines had failed to make any difference in our morning routine, and potential for conflict. I thanked Susan for making her bed that morning before being asked and asked her what else was needed done before we headed out to the bus stop.

Results: Susan brushed her teeth and her hair without further prompting and I kept my anxiety (and unnecessary caveman comments) to myself.  That night before bed we talked about ideas of things we could do to make getting ready in the morning smoother and less rushed and agreed to set our clothes out the night before.

Transforming Trauma by Going Positive – interview

October 23, 2012

I love helping people transform their lives. I love it so much, I often do it for free. I am on the board of directors of Vital Cycles, and do a lot of volunteering with trauma survivors.

The purpose of Vital Cycles is to empower those who seek joy in living while healing the impacts of emotional trauma.

I was just interviewed on a blogradio program talking at length about trauma, how Vital Cycles helps and other resources for those that deal with emotional trauma.

If you’re interested in hearing the recording click here.

 

Interview about being the CEO of your Life

September 20, 2012

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by the Cosmic Coaching Centre in Toronto. For those interested, here’s the recording.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cosmiccoachingcentre/2012/09/19/positive-change-with-bob-faw-of-matchbox-group/

Make your life soar

Mr. Happy Man – an inspiration to us all

April 23, 2012


Bermuda’s Johnny Barnes shares his love of life and humanity with thousands every day.

Talk about positive influence!! Prepare to be inspired by this amazing man.

Meet Johnny Barnes in this video

Positive Intelligence

February 7, 2012

Shawn Achor is a dynamic speaker and writer on this topic.

His take, through the Harvard Business Review on positive intelligence is a fantastic example of putting the science of happiness ahead of outdated conventional wisdom.

Even though he is a “competitor” of sorts I can only speak highly of everything I’ve seen him put out there.

Rock on, Shawn! You are a major player in what I call the Positive Change Revolution!

Join us at the Breakfast With The Best and Culture Con, 1/31!

December 16, 2011

Michael and will be leading workshops on how to have a ‘best company to work at’ in the morning with the Breakfast with the Best and in the afternoon at the Culture Con.

Steps to a Culture of Passion

At Breakfast With The Best we’ll be hearing from the 10 best companies to work for in NH. Plus the gathering of 300-400 will be sharing their top practices as well! Come for great ideas and fun connections.

Sponsored by Business NH Magazine

Following that we’ll move a few blocks for the Culture Con. There we’ll go deeper into how to apply the best ideas to your own organization.

As a preview I’m guest blogging on Dyn’s blog about “8 Ideas For Enhancing Change Via Positive Change“. Dyn is hosting the Culture Con.

I hope to learn and have fun with you there!!

Bob

When ideas have sex

October 28, 2011

This is a fascinating Ted talk on the unfathomable amount of collaboration that goes into every single thing we modern humans do.

Positive change (and negative) are happening all the time. Just by doing whatever jobs we do, we contribute to millions of other people’s wealth, health and knowledge.

If you are a learning geek like me, check it out!

Increasing Positivity in every day life

September 30, 2011

I just read a wonderful post by a dear colleague, Schon Beechler titled Battling the Barrage: Ten Ways to Bring Positivity into Every Day.

I added two powerfully positive things I do in the comments below her post as well.

Creating positivity despite the bad stuff

Positive Change Agents – principles for enjoyable success

August 10, 2011

We’ve used these principles to guide our positive change projects for years.  

These principles are keys to motivating busy people.

  1. Take the time to make goals clear and simple.
  2. The easier it is to contribute the more people do it.
  3. Make starting steps doable and clear.
  4. Make sure people feel confident enough in their role.
  5. Frame goals, directions and other communication positively.
  6. Steady guidance at a strategic level keeps people on track and confident in success.
  7. Make questions specific, positive and generative.
  8. Keep focused on your top priority goal. Ensure that you’ve applied all the resources you need to to this goal.

Join the Positive Change Revolution!

July 28, 2011

Many wonderful approaches create positive change. Here are a few, described by key practitioners.

David Cooperrider

Appreciative Inquiry

As described by the Appreciative Inquiry Commons: Appreciative Inquiry is about the coevolutionary search for the best in people, their organizations, and the relevant world around them. In its broadest focus, it involves systematic discovery of what gives “life” to a living system when it is most alive, most effective, and most constructively capable in economic, ecological, and human terms. AI involves, in a central way, the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a system’s capacity to apprehend, anticipate, and heighten positive potential. It centrally involves the mobilization of inquiry through the crafting of the “unconditional positive question” often-involving hundreds or sometimes thousands of people. In AI the arduous task of intervention gives way to the speed of imagination and innovation; instead of negation, criticism, and spiraling diagnosis, there is discovery, dream, and design.

AI seeks, fundamentally, to build a constructive union between a whole people and the massive entirety of what people talk about as past and present capacities: achievements, assets, unexplored potentials, innovations, strengths, elevated thoughts, opportunities, benchmarks, high point moments, lived values, traditions, strategic competencies, stories, expressions of wisdom, insights into the deeper corporate spirit or soul– and visions of valued and possible futures. Taking all of these together as a gestalt, AI deliberately, in everything it does, seeks to work from accounts of this “positive change core”—and it assumes that every living system has many untapped and rich and inspiring accounts of the positive. Link the energy of this core directly to any change agenda and changes never thought possible are suddenly and democratically mobilized.

Mark McKergow

Paul Z Jackson

Solution focus

As described by Dr. Mark McKergow and Paul Z. Jackson: Solutions Focus (SF) is an approach to change that is causing companies worldwide to sit up and take notice. Its primary focus is on uncovering and building on what is already working well – even in areas that are failing. Whether you’re a manager, a team leader, a coach or a consultant, you can use SF to generate immediate results. The SF approach is sometimes compared to Appreciative Inquiry. Both methods focus on what’s working; many people prefer SF for its incisive simplicity and applicability in all kinds of situations, big and small.

The solution-focused philosophy is an approach to change, centered on keeping things as simple as possible, doing what works and nothing else. We discovered it in the world of therapy, when in the late 1980s Steve de Shazer extended the earlier work of Milton Erickson and the Mental Research Institute to produce a tested yet minimal approach to change (for example de Shazer, 1988, and George, Iveson & Ratner, 1999). These same sources had earlier sparked NLP, to which solution focus might be seen as a younger, leaner second cousin.

Solution focus has since spread in the UK to the fields of education, social work, and child protection and is now making inroads to the organizational world.

 

Marcus Buckingham

Strength-based Leadership

As described by Tom Rath and Ashok Gopal: Nearly a decade ago, Gallup unveiled the results of a landmark 30-year research project that ignited a global conversation on the topic of strengths. More than 3 million people have since taken Gallup’s StrengthsFinder assessment, which forms the core of several books on this topic, including the #1 international bestseller StrengthsFinder 2.0.

In recent years, while continuing to learn more about strengths, Gallup scientists have also been examining decades of data on the topic of leadership. They studied more than one million work teams, conducted more than 20,000 in-depth interviews with leaders, and even interviewed more than 10,000 followers around the world to ask exactly why they followed the most important leader in their life.

In Strengths Based Leadership, #1 New York Times bestselling author Tom Rath and renowned leadership consultant Barry Conchie reveal the results of this research. Based on their discoveries, the book identifies three keys to being a more effective leader: knowing your strengths and investing in others’ strengths, getting people with the right strengths on your team, and understanding and meeting the four basic needs of those who look to you for leadership.

 

Join us in the positive change revolt!


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