Posted tagged ‘solutions focus’

Highly Motivating Reframes – clients’ examples

November 14, 2012

Going Positive Reframes…

Reframing: This is a powerful motivational tool. Reframing our language helps us to influence the “inner movies” that we and others see in our minds. This can make a huge difference in how others perceive us and what we’re telling them. This is also true with family and friends. This truly can help “Make Friends and Influence People”.  Because of our caveman, our immediate gut reactions are often to focus on risks and only see problems. This can blurt out “caveman comments” that activate F Responses in others. Going Positive reframes create inner movies in people’s minds of the goals and the action needed to reach them. They also inspire the emotion needed to motivate people to action.

Wendy and Kevin, of the Litle & Co’s Leadership University class of 2012, give real-life examples of how they use reframes for great leadership.

 

Here are some other great examples of wonderful reframes from one of Litle’s stars. More will follow in later posts.

Personal Reframes

  1. Student with daughter Susan (age 9)

Susan and I watched the video on Bob’s blog “Influencing your Inner Movie – The Thinker & The Caveman” together.  Susan was eager to “get to the caveman” portion of the video.  As we were viewing the overview of the caveman…

Susan: “Caveman.  That’s like Ellen when she’s fighting with me!” (Ellen is her 7 year old sister)

Lisa (mommy): “Yes, that’s right!”

Susan: “Or like you when you yell at me.”

Lisa (mommy): “Yes…that’s why mommy is taking this class.  So I make better choices and reframe my words to be more positive.”

We talked about caveman behaviors and thinking behaviors, positive and negative comments and even about our Inner Movie.  Caveman and Thinking behaviors seem to resonate the most with Susan.  We agreed going forward when we got upset with each other or saw caveman behavior in each other we would use a shared “code word” as a reminder to reframe and choose our words more carefully.  Susan picked our code word: octopus flare. I agreed it was good choice and would definitely snap me out of my caveman moment!

We’ve reference the caveman and thinker throughout this week since our lesson – and our code word is definitely working.  It’s impossible NOT to smile (and laugh) when you’re saying/hearing octopus flare!

  1. Student with John (husband)

I shared the lesson of The Thinker & The Caveman with my husband John after my conversation with Susan.  John’s first observation was how Susan was quick to recognize/call out caveman behaviors in others, but not herself. J

Over the course of this week we’ve talked each night about different segments of the training.  Slightly different from my lesson with Susan, John and I have focused more on inner movie, reframing and 10:1 positive to negative comments.  And our greatest challenge: TONE.

We both realize an opportunity to reframe our communications with the girls to be more in line with the 10:1 positive to negative comments.  Most obvious has been our combined efforts to shift from telling them what NOT to do and reframing it into HOW to do something differently.

We also talked about the Chameleon Effect.  Specifically making judgments/assumptions about the girl’s abilities or presumed limitations (our inner movies perhaps?) and allowing that to guide our approach with them.  The story of the teacher with gifted/non-gifted children really hit home on the potential negative ramifications.

We’re not perfect – but we are definitely more aware!  As you’ll see in the reframe examples following…

 

Business Reframes

I.         Caveman Urge: I wanted to ask a team member what they were thinking (sarcastically and with annoyance!!!)  offering a client a free trial after we’d already offered the trial as a risk free trial (pay for service upfront with a money back guarantee).

Reframe:  I checked my temper and my inner movie and took the time to ask some qualifying questions about what conversations led up to the discussion and how the offer evolved.

Result:  Instead of letting my caveman loose and my temper run wild, I asked questions and took time to listen and understand how the situation evolved.  In doing so I learned the team member was inadvertently not included in several key discussions leading up to the client call, limiting their insight and resulting in lack of direction.  I took the opportunity to review the sequence of events, apologize for my oversight in the process and offer positive observations on where the team member took initiative and responsibility to move the opportunity forward.

 

II.         Caveman Urge: My seven year old daughter, Ellen, is having some trouble with separation anxiety in the morning before going to school.  I wanted to tell her not to be sad and to focus on happy things versus how much she misses mommy and daddy during the day.

Reframe: I remembered that referencing the feelings of sadness and missing us would bring up the feelings/thoughts that caused her to be upset in the first place.  So instead I said, “I feel like today is going to be a great day!” and steered the conversation toward activities happening that day that I knew she liked (e.g. gym, recess, etc.).

Results: The first day it took a lot of reframing/redirecting and we still had some tears.  Today she was less focused on sadness/missing and more focused on feeling like it would be a good day.

 

III.         Caveman Urge: I wanted to tell my nine year old daughter Susan that there would be no more TV in the morning before school unless she started listening to me (and moving faster) when I told her it was time to get dressed and ready for school. (In a loud, frustrated tone)

Reframe: I stopped to consider how my previous comments along those lines had failed to make any difference in our morning routine, and potential for conflict. I thanked Susan for making her bed that morning before being asked and asked her what else was needed done before we headed out to the bus stop.

Results: Susan brushed her teeth and her hair without further prompting and I kept my anxiety (and unnecessary caveman comments) to myself.  That night before bed we talked about ideas of things we could do to make getting ready in the morning smoother and less rushed and agreed to set our clothes out the night before.

Influencing Your Inner Movie – The Thinker & The Caveman

September 13, 2012

This is my favorite thing to teach. Being able to positively influence oneself is a critical skill for anyone increasing success, happiness, and even health.

There will be more videos teaching how to apply these concepts and tools in your life.

Stay tuned!

 

(note: Safari seems to have trouble playing this video. Please use a different web browser.)

Get your Caveman Passionate!

July 5, 2012

Get Your Caveman Passionate

I was honored to be interviewed for Peter Sterlacci‘s video blog last week. In his view, part of what I do is what he calls a “Personal Brand Mechanic”. I talk about the Caveman and the Thinker and how to get them both engaged both in living your personal brand, and in creating positive change in general.

See the video.

Gratitude improves health, happiness, love-life, popularity and more

November 11, 2011

Scientific research brings us more proof of the power of gratitude!

A great blog post by Ocean Robbins…

The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Healthier

 

 

 

 

 

Increasing Positivity in every day life

September 30, 2011

I just read a wonderful post by a dear colleague, Schon Beechler titled Battling the Barrage: Ten Ways to Bring Positivity into Every Day.

I added two powerfully positive things I do in the comments below her post as well.

Creating positivity despite the bad stuff

Positive Change Agents – principles for enjoyable success

August 10, 2011

We’ve used these principles to guide our positive change projects for years.  

These principles are keys to motivating busy people.

  1. Take the time to make goals clear and simple.
  2. The easier it is to contribute the more people do it.
  3. Make starting steps doable and clear.
  4. Make sure people feel confident enough in their role.
  5. Frame goals, directions and other communication positively.
  6. Steady guidance at a strategic level keeps people on track and confident in success.
  7. Make questions specific, positive and generative.
  8. Keep focused on your top priority goal. Ensure that you’ve applied all the resources you need to to this goal.

Join the Positive Change Revolution!

July 28, 2011

Many wonderful approaches create positive change. Here are a few, described by key practitioners.

David Cooperrider

Appreciative Inquiry

As described by the Appreciative Inquiry Commons: Appreciative Inquiry is about the coevolutionary search for the best in people, their organizations, and the relevant world around them. In its broadest focus, it involves systematic discovery of what gives “life” to a living system when it is most alive, most effective, and most constructively capable in economic, ecological, and human terms. AI involves, in a central way, the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a system’s capacity to apprehend, anticipate, and heighten positive potential. It centrally involves the mobilization of inquiry through the crafting of the “unconditional positive question” often-involving hundreds or sometimes thousands of people. In AI the arduous task of intervention gives way to the speed of imagination and innovation; instead of negation, criticism, and spiraling diagnosis, there is discovery, dream, and design.

AI seeks, fundamentally, to build a constructive union between a whole people and the massive entirety of what people talk about as past and present capacities: achievements, assets, unexplored potentials, innovations, strengths, elevated thoughts, opportunities, benchmarks, high point moments, lived values, traditions, strategic competencies, stories, expressions of wisdom, insights into the deeper corporate spirit or soul– and visions of valued and possible futures. Taking all of these together as a gestalt, AI deliberately, in everything it does, seeks to work from accounts of this “positive change core”—and it assumes that every living system has many untapped and rich and inspiring accounts of the positive. Link the energy of this core directly to any change agenda and changes never thought possible are suddenly and democratically mobilized.

Mark McKergow

Paul Z Jackson

Solution focus

As described by Dr. Mark McKergow and Paul Z. Jackson: Solutions Focus (SF) is an approach to change that is causing companies worldwide to sit up and take notice. Its primary focus is on uncovering and building on what is already working well – even in areas that are failing. Whether you’re a manager, a team leader, a coach or a consultant, you can use SF to generate immediate results. The SF approach is sometimes compared to Appreciative Inquiry. Both methods focus on what’s working; many people prefer SF for its incisive simplicity and applicability in all kinds of situations, big and small.

The solution-focused philosophy is an approach to change, centered on keeping things as simple as possible, doing what works and nothing else. We discovered it in the world of therapy, when in the late 1980s Steve de Shazer extended the earlier work of Milton Erickson and the Mental Research Institute to produce a tested yet minimal approach to change (for example de Shazer, 1988, and George, Iveson & Ratner, 1999). These same sources had earlier sparked NLP, to which solution focus might be seen as a younger, leaner second cousin.

Solution focus has since spread in the UK to the fields of education, social work, and child protection and is now making inroads to the organizational world.

 

Marcus Buckingham

Strength-based Leadership

As described by Tom Rath and Ashok Gopal: Nearly a decade ago, Gallup unveiled the results of a landmark 30-year research project that ignited a global conversation on the topic of strengths. More than 3 million people have since taken Gallup’s StrengthsFinder assessment, which forms the core of several books on this topic, including the #1 international bestseller StrengthsFinder 2.0.

In recent years, while continuing to learn more about strengths, Gallup scientists have also been examining decades of data on the topic of leadership. They studied more than one million work teams, conducted more than 20,000 in-depth interviews with leaders, and even interviewed more than 10,000 followers around the world to ask exactly why they followed the most important leader in their life.

In Strengths Based Leadership, #1 New York Times bestselling author Tom Rath and renowned leadership consultant Barry Conchie reveal the results of this research. Based on their discoveries, the book identifies three keys to being a more effective leader: knowing your strengths and investing in others’ strengths, getting people with the right strengths on your team, and understanding and meeting the four basic needs of those who look to you for leadership.

 

Join us in the positive change revolt!


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